How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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