Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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