Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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