Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
