ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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