we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
