You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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