Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
