I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
