My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
