I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had sex on a roof
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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