while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
