OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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