craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
