I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
