you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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