I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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