Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
