If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
