ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
