How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
