There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
