Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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