I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
