We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
