Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
