She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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