So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
