we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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