She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
