My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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