I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
