How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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