Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
