Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
