No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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