dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think people are normalizing furries
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
