Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
