I'm going to jail i love you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
