After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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