My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
