tell your sister to shave her snatch
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
