I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
