i used baking grease as lip gloss
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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