They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
