He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize