Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
