Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
