my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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