You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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