That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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