She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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