Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
