Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
