Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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