i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
