I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she peed on how many people?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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