cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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