Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
