it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
