I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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