So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
