my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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