Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
