Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
