I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
