never play flip cup with pint glasses
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize