I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
