Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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