i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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