When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
