Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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