My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What drink are we having for lunch?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
