I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
