AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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