making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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