how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize