Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
