she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
