Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
