Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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