all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
