so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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