i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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