Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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