Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
