Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am one with the molecules
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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