I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
