I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
