I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
