So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
