When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
