Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
