The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
