i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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