if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
