Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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