me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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