OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
