She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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