I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
