hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
