Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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