This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
