I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
