yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I currently don't understand fingers.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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