fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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